LMAO, I WON'T HARM YOU

Wednesday morning, the most anticipated day in secondary school.
The day of vacation.

The class was noisy and tensed as everyone expected their results.
Deep inside of me, I knew I didn't read and just scribbled what my brain assumed to be correct.

Instead of reading, I spent my time chasing girls in their tight uniform skirts and getting flogged by officers for skipping classes.

My class teacher went to the Administrative Block to get our results and school fees slip.
I sat on my table, shivering in fear when I thought what would happen next.

The major thought dominating my head was my Dad.
The strictest man in the Universe.
He does not joke around. He never smiles.

When I was little, he used to beat the hell out of me for any single mistake.
When I talk = Beating
When I don't talk= Beating
And he so hated failure.

I came 5th position last term and he wasn't pleased at all.
A kid with a head like mine came 1st and I didn't.
He told me to come first this particular term but even God knows I won't.

Suddenly, there was an uproar of screams, followed by students running around which snapped me out of my imagination.
Teacher had arrived and dropped the huge pile of brown envelopes.

Everyone began to scramble for theirs which was accompanied by grumbling and giggling.
I ended my prayer and went ahead to find my envelope.

My friends were anticipating to see mine, so I told them to calm down.
Let me see it first.

I saw my name, JOHN, GODSWILL I. JSS3 AGU.
Trembling as I opened it, I skipped the grades and went for my position first.

I saw 21st !!!!!!!
I lost my appetite and my countenance dropped.
From 5th to 21st.
My position dropped that low and in my class we were just 31 students.

Looking at the bright side, I'm wiser than 10 people.
But on the other hand, my father would kill me today.

Quickly putting the envelope in my pocket, all the girls were around me asking for my position.

To avoid more questions, I took my envelope and luggage and zoomed off.

I signed out and left for the car park to wait for my Dad.
I broke down in tears when I thought of several ways I would lose my life.
Would he flog me to death?
Would he toss me into the Akpabuyo river as we were going home?
Or I could be sold into slavery?

Swallowing a huge gulp of spit, I had to brace for impact.

I started to drag my items towards where he parked but he came out to meet me.
From far he said, "Don't worry !!!"

He held my hands while laughing and said, "Let me carry your bags, I WON'T HURT YOU".

Dad carrying my bags? This has never happened.
Within the twinkle of an eye, all my luggage were arranged in the car.

I was trembling as I sat beside him, a knock or slap that would make me lose consciousness would soon come.
I was panting and I tried to maintain my normal heartbeat.

Stuttering and stammering, I had to mention my position in my class, so I singlehandedly brought up the topic.

Despite the cool breeze outside, I was still sweating and couldn't speak.
He noticed my panic attack and told me to relax.

Then I spoke slowly, "I came 21st Dad", before I could balance the statement.
He said, "That's fine, people fail at times my boy".

I was more than shocked.
He continued his statement with, "Forget your result, I have some meat and drinks for you"

Now, something is wrong.
He brought meat and drinks for me, despite my position.

I was scared and couldn't eat.
Maybe he was testing me to see if I would actually eat, then he would say failures love food.

So I refused to let my intestines control me.
I refused to take a bite, and kept mute.

During the drive, he asked me to eat again in a persuasive manner so I began to devour the chicken from flesh to bones.
I gulped the Malt down like a prisoner.

He went as far as even giving me his phone to play games.
We began to discuss and play music throughout the journey.
Dorobucci was on repeat, a smash hit back then.

Within two hours, we landed in Uyo and in no time, I was home.
I came down from the car and went ahead to remove my belongings.

He told me not to bother, that he would handle everything.
My joy knew no bounds.

I ran inside and up the stairs to meet Mom and tell her about my trip.
Instead of Mum welcoming me, I met Grandma first.

She hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead.
I was so happy to meet her, she asked me how Dad treated me throughout the journey.
I told her that he was the best ever.

She asked if he talked strictly and said that he was super caring.
She smiled and hugged me again.

If there is someone my Dad fears, it is his Mum.
Now I know the reason behind the abnormal care.

While Dad brought my belongings inside, I noticed Grandma dragging his ear and whispering that he's lucky for not touching me.

So I'm on immunity.
Mum came, welcomed me and I went inside.

I ate food upon food and Dad couldn't say a word.
Told Grandma my position and she said I'm so smart.
For the first time, my failure didn't matter.
Even Mom and siblings congratulated me like a King.

I watched movies till late at night and Dad couldn't tell me to sleep because I was with Grandma.

The enjoyment was extravagant and I wanted it to last.
So I told Grandma that she should warn him to continue being good so when she goes, I'll be fine.
She stayed for a week and I was untouchable.

She talked to him consistently and I believed my problems were fixed.
She took her leave on Friday and bid me goodbye.

I couldn't wait to enjoy my freedom.
Dad dropped her and returned home that same day.

Surprisingly things were still smooth and I lived the dream life.
That Friday night, I watched Spongebob till I feel asleep in the parlor.

Everything was alright till I was awoken around 1am with a belt.

I was in shock and struggled to see.
It was Dad that woke me.
He helped me clear my sight by pouring water on my face.

He told me to sit and face him and explain how I came 21st.
I began to stammer, he further confused me by sending a deep knock straight into my forehead.

He switched on the lights and made me design a timetable that very night.
The strokes I received exceeded 200.
I cried and begged for mercy.

I knew Dad does not forgive or forget.
He waited patiently for Grandma to return so he could deal with me.
I fell deep into his trap.

A strong act of pretense right from when he picked me from school.

Everyday turned to hell for me.
I read excessively while receiving flogging and scolding.
He made photocopies of my result and pasted them all over my room.

As I resumed, everyone was shocked at my level of study.
I read my eyes out, I left all my little side chicks.
They won't be present when I'm getting flogged.

I attended classes and asked questions.
Teachers were shocked as they couldn't find faults in me like before.
That midnight whopping changed my life for good.

Well, I got to write my Junior WAEC and the results came out after some weeks.
I checked the notice board and saw my grades.

I struggled to see properly, because the grades didn't resemble me.
When I came to realization that it was what I scored.
I nearly fainted.

I had two P's in major subjects.
That very day, Dad came to the notice board and saw the result for himself.
He told me to enter the car and relax, that my result was amazing.

His pretense won't work this time around.
My mindset was tough and ready for the worst.

From here, you know what happens next.

©Fiction
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