THE ANGUISH OF LOVE

It was time for lectures, I said. And when I said lectures, I mean attending classes to play games and check out the hottest females around.
I woke my roommate up so we could kick start the day.

My roommate, Chris was the definition of a handsome and charming guy.
The muscles, the fluent speaking, the charisma, the boldness and the good looks.
He possessed all those virtues with more to spare.

As for me, I was just popular for my high level of sarcasm and clownery. As for the looks, what God gave me is what I manage.
Simply cutting a coat to my material.

Chris was opportune to find a girl that matched his insatiable taste. He always wanted more and more.
She was beautiful, busty and a masterpiece once it comes to Bedroom Olympics.

I needed a girl to match my level of crazy.
A memer, a lady with a huge level of sarcasm and a caring one.
Unlike Chris, I'm an emotional person and I get attached where I'm showered with affection.

With time, I stumbled upon a lady while in school.
We were in the same level but different departments.

She was crazy, when I say crazy, believe me, hers was outstanding.
We began to vibe by chance, but she was no preacher of love.
She emphasized she will never love and even if she does, it won't be a guy like me.

She loved periwinkles, so I would gist her that I take pap with periwinkles every morning to remember her.
She would laugh and I knew I was hitting my target.

But it was all virtual reality.
No single green light or signal.

Meanwhile Chris was living the dream life and I couldn't sleep properly in our room without interruption of his ungodly midnight grooves with his girlfriend.

The crazy girl I got to like was Susan by name.
I refused to give up and I asked her out.
She bounced my request like a deformed tennis ball.

It wasn't my first rejection so I kept calm.
I fell for her deeply and had no other option than to admire her from the cross lines.

One day, I went to eat beans at my usual spot. Surprisingly she was there with her female peers.

We began to talk and I acted like no rejection took place.
From there, I paid for her meal and we even ate together.

Once I got home, I was mocked that she was gonna eat my money.
But love they say is blind, I was blinded and went through unusual measures to satisfy her materialistic desires.

Unexpectedly, she began to like me but it came with spending.

The relationship was toxic but love made it smooth as it was two sided.

Time flew, days turned to months.
Until her real boyfriend showed up, bigger, taller and richer than me.
He came from a different state and showed me Susan was his property.

I broke down real good and wept uncontrollably.
My academics got affected and depression quickly embraced me.

If I was cheating, Better.
But I was faithful to the best of my power.
I wished I was good looking or my body was attractive.

I spaced from her and dodged her anywhere I headed to.
But I couldn't run forever.
She found me and broke down in tears. She went further to explain everything.

She said her reason for rejecting me was because she was in a relationship.
She continued that feelings developed within a short period of time.

Kneeling down, her tears swept across my feet and I broke into tears too.
Her beautiful and smiling face was all gloomy and she begged for forgiveness.

I told her to give me time to think but she said no.
That she can't do without me, she went as far as ending her previous relationship through a phone call in my presence.

She gave me a heartwarming kiss which sent a chilling sensation through my agitated nerves.

I loved her but my trust was destroyed.
She cheated once and can cheat again.
My feelings depreciated, and the information gathered about her previous life worsened the situation.
I was double dated for ten months.
Who knows what else she may be hiding?

My instincts were uncomfortable with her and anything she uttered sounded like a lie.
I love you sounded like she pasted it from another chat.

I got irritated easily despite all sexual activities and joy.
She ended the relationship as my mind wasn't stable enough. She didn’t have a concrete reason and I begged tirelessly.

I'm not a man of malice so we talked occasionally but anything love, end of discussion.

I found another lady far away. The true definition of gorgeousness and pure elegance.
An embodiment of ebony beauty.
Her shape was mind blowing and she understood me.

She liked me and we began to vibe.
I didn't need to ask her out, we rolled despite the distance.
We took turns to visit each other's states but her sacrifices were greater.

She paid my bills and saved me from endless embarrassing moments
I fell so deeply for her and she couldn't do without me.
My perfect soul mate.
Admired by my friends far and wide.

I was so much in love, she dwelled in my dreams, thoughts and even in my speech
It sounds insane but it felt that way.

She was an introvert and it must be hard for her to have anyone else.
No arguments, no anger.
Could this relationship be real?

She was far away but the amount of affection she gave made it feel like I could feel her shoulder beside me even though it wasn't.

Trust issues arose and because of my past experiences, I began to have doubts about her past.
We had a very serious argument but the relationship continued.

It continued but it was never the same.

She changed; the affection wasn't there like before.
She was stable without me and if I make any mistake I would be erased from her life.
I held on and kept on begging at every instance.

I cried in her inbox a lot but it didn't move a single muscle in her.
I begged her to stay and tried my best to show affection.

She was in a position to see better people.
People with better looks; futures and higher prospects.
The final breakup came and it hit hard.

I called everyone she knew but nothing changed.
The line was drawn.
I quickly borrowed some money and rushed to visit the love of my life in her school.
I bet physical apology would do the trick.

But she said, "You don't seem to know when it is over".
She showed me the new guy and my spirit was broken.
I pleaded, she went further to emphasize I should be happy that she dated a lowlife like me.

I was devastated beyond measure.
I cried day and night and grew to hate women.

This was my eight relationship. I returned to Susan but her ex which she claimed to have abandoned had filled once again.
I was rejected and used from both sides.

I lost my sanity and everything in life was bitter.
People I saw a future with and planned to raise a family saw nothing in me.
I wondered what I lacked or I was just cursed.

I hated love to a very great extent, that it affected my friendship with females.
I had a sadness in which money couldn't fill up.

Until I met someone so amazing, someone's whose love is unconditional and the energy matched mine.

Jesus Christ is his name.
My personal Lord and savior.
I found peace and I was a new being.

He showed me looks and stature does not matter.
He showed me I don't belong in this world and a home is prepared for me.
I embraced him and found rest, rest for good.

Someone better will come up, he said.
Someone who will cherish me for who I am.
I buckled up and looked at my deficiencies straight in the eye.

I'm fully ready now.

©Fiction
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