TRYING TO GET MY CRUSH

This particular girl has been giving me hard time

Whenever she was around me, I could not think straight.

But it wasn't possible to impress her because of my financial state.

When boys were buying full meals and drinks for their ladies, then I would buy Puff Puff or egg roll?

Things ain't done that way

I had to step up my game real good.

To get her, I had to be the best of the best.

She was the real definition of beauty and she hardly spoke to people.
She was silent and also brilliant, if I could get her, then its straight to marriage.
No wasting of time.

I began to learn mind blowing grammar to ensure she would begin with liking my speech.

Then I had great advantage from my guys

One thing about girls is that no matter how friendly they seem to be on the outside, deep inside there is always rivalry.

Boys are good when it comes to confidential issues and helping out.

You can know a guy under two days and whatever you want to get from him is guaranteed.

Except huge sums of money, that would lead to war.

So I explained my predicament to some of my tight friends and told them that I really wanted to get the girl to like me.

They quickly liked the plan and agreed to help.

Before I could blink twice, they began to share responsibilities, from clothes to shoes, perfumes and expensive watches and other things.

I began to receive lectures on how to get a girl and they shared their experiences.

They dug into her social media profile and found out all the details she had ever uploaded.

They even went as far as finding out from her roommates and tight friends.

I had her details in the palm of my hands.

We even evaluated people that she had previously dated and why the relationship came to absurd ends, so if I could get her.

Its gonna be straight marriage.

We even assigned roles for my wedding day.

We all believed that this plan would be the most successful that I would ever embark on.

I saved all my pocket money, incentives and had financial support from them.

As we scrolled her profile, I noticed what she enjoyed eating whenever she went on outings or even at home.

She was not much of a girl that formed. She cherished local dishes and most especially  valued PERIWINKLES.

Any soup she took came with that

She even took it cooked whole and with a drink.

With my swag and everything, I had seen where to get her finally.

We had lectures early that morning.

It was a Tuesday, the most busy day of the week.

Everyone moving in different  directions, trying to update themselves concerning the stress and notes from Monday.

I dressed up real good, when I say good.

Believe me, it was lit.

I had my haircut and made the top of my hair look dreaded.

Everything about me was properly aligned and I was ready to strike on the first day of my mission.

Stepping out of my lodge aroused suspicions and left people perplexed on such dressing and my motive.

Everyone on the road side were screaming my name in amazement.

They didn't know it was just the start and I had more in stock.

I got into school premises looking fly and tush.

I tried my best not to be sarcastic today.

No jokes, no laughter.

This babe must fall.

Smiling with a touch of lust and coolness, I walked to my lecture hall.

From the window I could hear murmurs and I knew I was the center of gist.

So I locked in my fear and stepped in the front door with a huge dose of confidence.

Unknown to me, lectures was ongoing and I didn't notice the lecturer because he was kinda short and was strolling around.

Before I could take another step, I heard a loud voice, "Stop there",

I froze and looked for the source of the voice while trying to take another step to find an empty seat closest to me.

Then he suddenly became visible, it was CHEM 112 Lecturer.

The cruelest of them all.

We had clashed many times and I took pleasure from looking for his trouble and disturbing me.

But he had caught me today and it wasn't lovely at all.

My crush was in the middle section and our eyes met.

She smiled and then looked away.

She must have appreciated my dressing, I must not be embarrassed, not this moment.

The saucy girl that I have been trying to gain attention just smiled.

I am not fucking this moment up, not now, not ever.

I had a grip of myself and I waited for the man to reach me.

He had a very loud and annoying voice. His voice could be heard miles away, rumors say he was dropped from the army for reasons unknown to us.

He walked to me and told me to turn.

I was confused at this point, but to hide my confusion, I simply turned.

I believed he was gonna send me out so I started my journey with the coolest walking step ever.

Before I could depart, he called me back and made a statement that nearly made me faint.

He said, "He is going to help us to name this complex compound" and his statement was followed by a loud uproar of applause.

I had missed classes for nearly three months and I was in my most confused state, I did not even know that such a topic existed.

And at that moment she stared at me looking for my next move.

I was sweating already and he handed the marker over to me.

I was empty and had no plan at all.

Thanks to my retentive memory I recalled some naming back in secondary school but it wasn't vivid.

I had to write something. I penned down "2,3,4 dimethyl butaaminous" and went to the back to sitdown.

The laughter that came from the classroom was formidable, and she laughed the most.

The lecturer simply nodded his head in disappointment and cleaned it off.

My plan was ruined before I could execute it.

She saw me as a dummy.

So I bowed my head throughout the lectures.

The lecture ended and I was about leaving before someone held my shirt.

I looked up and she was the one.

I was not sure of why she came, but I suspected it was to complete the laughter.

She was smiling quite abnormally and asked about my name

Was I dreaming or what?

I told my name and I tried my best not to blush.

This was the last chance.

She then spoke, "I like the way, you answered the question today, you're quite a funny guy"

At this point I had to apply all my flirting skills that I had ever brought into existence.

I answered "That is just my attitude, Sarah"

She was shocked that I knew her name.

I told her that I've noticed her for a while and I envied her intelligence and beauty.

She blushed and said "Don't make me blush joor"

That's it !!!!!

I cracked her, at this point, my friends saw the conversation going on and gave me signals to take her out to eat.

I didn't have money, so they quickly contributed, put it in a sling bag and one kept it beside me.

Friends indeed cost more than gold.

I asked her if she would love to eat and she answered "NO"

It sent a shock-wave into my heart, but I didn't give up that easily.

I asked her why she wasn't going to eat and she replied that she didn't have money.

Another huge chance for me

I told her not to bother that I would pay and she agreed.

I knew her best meals and where it was prepared

I was gonna blow her mind today.

We strolled outside, then I paid a drop to the one of the best restaurants in the area.

We got a table and I ordered soup for her and rice for me.

I told them to make sure periwinkles were much than the soup itself.

Then I bought drinks to enable us wait for the meal.

I had succeeded and I knew I got her.

I could not wait to tell my friends about the one day success.

The meal came and I gave her the soup, she was so shocked at the sight of the periwinkles and at that moment she began to freak me out.

She said "I really love these, how did you know?

And she began to eat it without washing her hands.

I had to eat neatly in order to impress her, as I looked at her, I was shocked at her eating habit.

She dug the soup like a mole and was licking her fingers repeatedly.

I eat food quickly but she was faster, she finished the food before I could.

And it was heavy soup.

She cleared it and began to belch like a Buffalo.

She asked for extra and ate double of what I ordered before and before she started, she took off the belt of her trouser, cracked her fingers and dug it.

She really loved periwinkles and she ate them with much noise.

She sucked them with passion and hunger and aimed the shells at random objects.

She was a huge psycho and I could not bear it again.

She took a full bottle of coke, the one liter bottle at a go and released another belch, so freaking loud that everyone in the restaurant were startling at us.

She didn't mind but continued, and told me to join her.

I began to feel ashamed and was about standing up so we could leave but she said she was just getting started.

I nearly fainted.

Food of nearly a thousand naira and you're getting started?

She asked for tea and a dose of pap.

It was prepared and given to her and she put periwinkles inside the pap and continued eating.

My mouth was wide open with shock, and I couldn't believe such a beautiful girl could be this crazy.

Pap and periwinkle

Tea and periwinkle

Her affinity for periwinkle was way too strong and it began to annoy me.

She could not get satisfied and she continued to eat till I told her to stop.

I don't want the relationship again, she could literally eat me one day she gets hungry.

She messed up her clothing and was sweating, while eating quickly like she stole.

I reminded her that we had classes which she would not like to miss.

She said okay and put the remaining periwinkles in her pocket and followed me.

I couldn't believe what happened at the moment and I was still in shock.

On our way back, she said she would like to go out some other time and that she was beginning to like me.

Like me?

I was not interested at all. I had seen enough.

I would be broke in four hours of dating her.

She dropped off at her friend's lodge to have a bath and told me that we would see later.

I reached my lodge and lacked the appropriate words to explain what took place.

I returned each item and remained mute.

I just slept at the spot and promised to tell them the experience when I woke up.

It dawned on me that not every packaged item is actually lovely

Most of them are actually lethal.

As for me and her

We talked but I kept a space.

Just greetings and nothing else

I can't be captured in a relationship that is more like slavery.

I have to search for someone else now.

Someone that is normal and sane.